How We Screwed Up: Confessions About Mistakes Made Early In Our Event Planning Careers

 

Event planning is a thriving industry. However, every event planner or coordinator is not without his or her foibles as mistakes happen to everybody in business. In this episode, Jamie Wolfer and Heather Loree Fier laugh at some of the mistakes they have made in their event planning careers. They hope listeners learn what not to do from this tell-all episode so that they can grow their businesses faster and enjoy their lives to the fullest.

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How We Screwed Up: Confessions About Mistakes Made Early In Our Event Planning Careers

Jamie: We’re going to dive into some of the most common mistakes that we made when we’re first starting out as planners. My hope is that this is not relatable for any of you and you’re here for a good laugh. My guess is a lot of you are going to be like, “That was me. That was a pain point. I learned from that one,” and laugh along with us at the ridiculousness of what we used to do and how we used to act and what we used to do for our clients. For those of you who go, “I haven’t even started yet,” take some notes and hopefully, you can learn from some of our ridiculousness and laugh with us along the way.

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Heather: Jamie, we’re here to confess how we’ve screwed up. We’ve screwed up many times. It happens to all of us in business and we’re talking about all the little mistakes that have happened throughout our time as wedding planners and coordinators.

Jamie: Honestly, if we did all of the little mistakes, this would probably be long.

Heather: You don’t think anyone wants to read this? We’ll talk about a few of the key highlights.

Jamie: Let’s do that instead because I have a feeling that both you and I could do story time for days.

Heather: It’s probably true. I know we’ve started laying out some ideas here. You and I both shared a lot of common issues. I feel one of the biggest ones that we brought up was being a yes woman. Whatever people asked for, we were like, “Of course, 100%. Let’s get that done for you.” Maybe they didn’t even finish asking and we were like, “Yes, please throw that on my plate. I want to take that on. No, I wouldn’t dare charge you. Why would I charge you extra?”

Jamie: Of course, not. That’s because this is what a wedding planner does. I am Jennifer Lopez, hear me roar. I say yes to things.

Heather: I got my earpiece in, I’m ready. It’s going to be amazing. I love them but I’m saying it’s that signature J-Lo.

Jamie: I’d said yes if someone would be like, “Do you think you could?” I have the perfect example. I said yes to a client who wanted me to go out of town for their wedding. This is before I understood travel fees and I paid for one night in a hotel room out of my own pocket. It was one night because I was cheap and I didn’t charge the clients for it. They wanted us to do a split shift where we showed up early enough in the morning to receive their rentals and then left for a little bit and then came back to run the rest of the event. This is back when I did ten-hour days. I was like, “Sure, it’s great.” I’m five months pregnant. I’m hungry all the time and we have to check out of our hotel at 11:00. What am I supposed to do during that downtime? I said yes and committed to a split freaking shift three hours away from home. I’m pregnant and miserable. It’s super hot outside. I don’t know what I was thinking. How did that feel like good business?

Heather: I don’t think it felt like good business, but you felt you were being a nice person. I’m not going to say this as a female thing, but women do have that people-pleasing nature a little more than I see in the men in my life. They’re a little more confident to be like, “That doesn’t work for me.” If you’re wanting to pay for a split shift, you’re going to pay something for those hours in the middle or you’re going to pay for the hotel or some situation there that makes it a little better for you. You were being too nice. I’ve done it too.

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Jamie: That’s what I was like, “This is what wedding planners do.”

Heather: “This is what will make my client happy, so I’m going to do it because I want to be the best.” I had a situation where I had the mother of the bride ask me to carry her purse for her the whole night as I was doing my five million other jobs. I physically carried her purse for 10 or 12 hours so that she could have access to her lipstick and her other little thingamajiggers in there at her will. I lugged this bag around and had to keep an eye on it because it might get stolen from my watch. All the pressure was on me. I have no idea. By the end of the night, I was like, “This is the stupidest thing. Why did I not tell her she needs to figure out something for her purse on her own? This is not in my contract.”

Jamie: It’s such a simple thing of like, “Why don’t we find a safe place that you feel comfortable storing it?”

Heather: I felt too nervous. Once I had committed to it, I couldn’t undo it. Don’t make that mistake. I had serious shoulder cramps. I needed a massage after this.

Jamie: Was it a tiny little clutch? I need physical details.

Heather: It was a large tote and not cute to lug around when I’m trying to coordinate stuff. It was so terrible. Don’t do that. This is where being a yes woman or man is not a good situation for you.

Jamie: A good piggyback to that one is I would take on too much. Instead of being a yes person, they’d ask things and you go, “I could do that.” I would offer before they asked, “You’re DIY-ing your dessert table? Why don’t we set that up for you? Are you kidding me, Jamie? Do you know that there are 175 people at this wedding? Do you know how long it takes to set up a dessert table for 175 people? I can tell you what I learned and I didn’t have enough people because I would offer things.” I’d be like, “Why don’t we do that for you? Why don’t we place all your centerpieces? Why don’t we provide all of the linens, all of the centerpieces, all of the candles and some rentals for you too,” just offering things before they were even asked.

Heather: Throwing in all that extra goodness for people, but at the point where it’s a sacrifice for you and not letting you take care of yourself, which means you’re not doing your best job.

Jamie: My very first event ever, I bought all the tablecloths. I’m like, “I’m going to turn this into a rental business.” Don’t do that. It’s a different business. I was like, “I’ll come the day before and I’ll do a setup with you before we do the rehearsal.” I probably spent, over the course of two days, twenty hours on the property because I was like, “Why don’t I do this for you?” Because it made me feel like I was being a bougie wedding planner.

Heather: It made you feel significant to have all of these jobs, but it was not a good plan probably for you physically or mentally or anything else, I would imagine.

Jamie: As the families are getting ready to walk down the aisle, someone motions for me to pause and wait. I’m like, “What’s going on? Why aren’t you going? I queued you.” I will never forget this moment. This is such a pivotal moment for me in my career. It was the mother of the groom and the mother of the bride. The mother of the groom goes, “The candles weren’t on.” The candles weren’t on at the front of the ceremony. The mother of the bride goes, “You know whose fault that is.” I’m standing right there being, “They don’t know I’m here but they are pissed off.” They were battery operated candles that I provided and they were mad that they weren’t turned on in the middle of the day in a well-lit room. It was like, “I forgot because I took on too much.” I will never forget that moment of being, “This was too much. I did too many things.”

Heather: As a wedding planner, you have those key roles. As a coordinator, you’re going to be tied up with those jobs. Piling these extra things on doesn’t work out for you. I feel the other thing that ends up happening when you have redlined your schedule for the day and packs many things in is that you do not have a chance to take breaks and take care of yourself. You are running the danger of collapsing by the end of the day and not even making it through the end of the event because you are physically breaking down.

Jamie: Talk to me about contracts. How many changes to your contract have you made since you got started?

Heather: Many changes. I would say every single client, I’ve learned something. I had something else in there that I’m like, “That was a loophole I didn’t think we’d run into,” or, “This is a stipulation that I didn’t think I’d have to clarify” or things that I didn’t realize about myself that I was going to be in a way too generous with my time and energy and those boundaries. It’s something like an ever-growing, ever-developing contract.

Jamie: For the first year and a half I was like, “We’re adding this tiny little word in here or this addendum.” After that first wedding where they asked for a split shift, I added the term ‘consecutive’ to my term ‘eight hours.’ It’s eight consecutive hours. You can’t ask us to work a split shift anymore. Once you’ve created those changes to your contract, you have to stick to them. I have made allowances where I’m like, “I know that’s what’s in the contract but it’s okay, we’ll let that go.” It’s come around to bite me in the keister because then it takes away the validity of what I do and what I’m trying to communicate and the standards that I’m trying to uphold if I’m like, “It’s fine. I’ll take on that. I’ll do that. Even though it’s not my contract, I’ll go ahead and do that.” It becomes a slippery slope where clients feel you would do anything.

Heather: It’s not even keeping you focused on what you want to do in your business. As you grow a business, you want to be strategic and go, “I am not a rental company. I am a coordinator. That’s what I want to do.” “I am a baker. I am not also providing the cake stand.” You have to draw a line in the sand there based on where you want to go with that and hold true to it. It’s very easy to get yourself losing that edge and that boundary.

Jamie: There’s a specific couple that comes to mind that I said yes to everything. I took on too much and I ignored giant portions of my contract. At the end of their event, they were not happy with me because there were assumptions being made. We signed a contract, but you said yes to everything else. You did more things than what’s in the contract. When we’re asked for things in the last minute on our big day, and you do your best to cover them even though you’ve already spread yourself so thin and you don’t cover them. We have these gaps or these lapses and what we wanted from our day, now we’re upset because we did not meet the expectations and I didn’t stick to them. I said yes to everything and it was this, “I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” The power of sticking to contract, it took me solid four events to learn where I was like, “We’re only doing contract stuff.”

Heather: This doesn’t work out well to do extra special things for people all the time. You can change a contract. You can go, “Do you want to add this in? I agree, I can do that. This is how much it’s going to cost,” and revise it and add a new item of deliverable to your contract. You got to be clearheaded about that. Remember, it’s a business. You’re not just helping your friends out on this whole situation. For me, it’s being clear on expectations for myself even, because you’re saying expectations the client has. I sometimes would get crazy, wacky ideas. I’ve had couples pitch me on like, “We want to get married in the middle of this field that has no electrical, no water, no power source of any kind, no parking lot, nothing. Can you handle that for us from soup to nuts?” I’m like, “What? No, this is a little bit out of my wheelhouse. We will need extra support.” They’re like, “Our budget’s only $10,000, so can you do all of that?”

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Originally back in the day, I would have said yes. Now, “No, I’m sorry. That’s going to be requiring a lot of extra help and a lot of work beforehand to get the site to be prepared to be a venue.” I would take these crazy things on thinking I’m literally Wonder Woman to go in there and make a barren field into a beautiful venue magically by myself. Keep the expectations real for yourself. Is it possible in some dimension that I could do that? Yes, but is it the event I want to take on and fits within the limitations of the type of business I’m wanting to build? All of that comes into play too.

Jamie: There’s something about being so early on that you feel you can take on so much. There’s a reason that there are wedding planning companies. There’s a reason that there are florists and rental companies. There’s a reason there’s a professional in all these fields because there’s a need for them. Turning yourself to one single person or maybe you and a team of two or possibly three, most likely relatives and/or loved ones that you’ve roped into one of your first three events. It was my parents, my husband, my friends where I was like, “I can’t pay you but you can say you’re a wedding planner.” They’re like, “Okay.” You cannot overnight become a wedding planner, a coordinator, a rental company, a florist and a dessert setter upper. You can’t be all of those things right out of the gate. If that is something that you eventually want to grow into doing, if you want to turn into the type of planner that’s known for turning fields into masterful wedding venues, great. You’re going to have to grow up into that point to be able to handle those things.

Heather: That was early on in what I was doing when I had this specific situation come up. I had only planned weddings at venues that were very built out and had all the necessities there. To think about going from that to like, “I’m going to take a field and turn it into a venue,” logistically, that’s a big job. Fortunately, that project did not come to fruition, but I was trying to make it happen. Looking back on that, I’m like, “Thank goodness.” Sometimes wishes and the dreams that you have don’t work out and it’s for the best. That’s one of those situations for me.

Jamie: There was something you said earlier about assuming priorities.

Heather: I’m the wedding hacker. I come from a specific perspective here. Not everyone has that same vision or perspective on weddings and that’s okay. At first, I assumed everyone did. As many people in this industry do, I started out working with a bunch of my friends, people who had a similar outlook on things that I had. My initial clients all were like, “Yes, what you’re saying is exactly what I want.” I got used to that. When I started having other referrals and the business grew, there are people I don’t know who have completely different concepts of what their weddings going to look than what I would plan. Suddenly, those assumptions bit me in the rear end. You want to have all those clear conversations early on about the priorities for the client and what their vision of their day is. I goofed on that a few times as I was in that transitional stage from working with people who I knew and I knew what they wanted, until I got to the point where I’m working for real clients. I have to have these conversations with them because I don’t know these people and I don’t know what they want. It’s grown-up stage in there.

Jamie: For five years or so, I worked at Starbucks. I remember probably my first few months of working there. People would come in and order bold coffee or get an Americano. I can’t stand Starbucks dark roast. When they say earthy, they mean dirt. It tastes like dirt. If you’re a coffee connoisseur or whatnot, I’m sorry if that is your preferred taste. It’s burnt dirt. It would blow my mind to watch these people come in and order these drinks. I’d be like, “You all are crazy.” They’d come in every day and they’d be regulars, “Can I get my Grande Americano with an extra shot and an inch and a half room for cream?” You’re like, “First of all, that’s a very specific order. Second of all, how are you drinking this?”

I learned over time after being there, everyone has different taste buds. There’s a reason that these different kinds of coffee exist. While I will never be a bold coffee drinker, I love coffee. I drink it on daily. I drink probably too much of it. We’re bordering on unhealthy right now. That’s something that I did learn early on. When it came from me wedding planning-wise, I didn’t start with friends. I started with all of my brother’s college friends. I didn’t know them. I was able to apply that coffee mentality of like, “You burnt dirt coffee. That’s your preferred style right now, cool.” I hate it but I’m not going to say that out loud. It’s interesting that we had such different perspectives on that one at first coming into it too.

Heather: It’s all that entry point into the industry. If you see a bunch of people doing stuff the same way out of the gate, it can make you think like, “This is the way it’s done. Everybody likes it this way.” Realistically, there are as many different styles and priorities for weddings as there are weddings. Every single couple is completely different. Taking that into account and having those conversations makes you a better planner, a better coordinator, a better vendor of any type. One of the other things I did, and this goes way back. Anyone who reads this that knew me in high school, they’re going to be like, “This is not a joke.” I was the most serious person of all time in high school. I was ASB president. I did that and I was Commissioner Spirit and wore blue and gold from head to toe for three months to get that job. I campaigned hard. It was a thing. It’s so awkward. I wore blue and gold lipstick and a wig. I sang the song, Super Freak, but changed it to Spirit Freak.

I took this as serious as if I was a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. When I was running ASB, I was the least fun person, probably in the whole high school. I had quotas for how many signs people in ASB had to paint. I literally gave someone a B-plus in ASB for not showing up on time and their parents came in and was like, “It’s ASB. You can’t give someone anything but an A. What are you doing?” I was like, “She should come here on time. I am very serious.” I was so freaking crazy. I pulled back my intensity and seriousness about running events, running companies, all these things and learn to have a little fun. That’s an important aspect of life. That one was a little bit hard for me. With starting a wedding business with that personality at my core, I got crazy.

The first few weddings I was running, I created timelines down to five to sometimes two-minute increments. I’m not even joking. It was neurotic. It was out of control with the bathroom breaks for vendors scheduled in. This did not go over well with vendors. Being that I was new to this industry, I was like, “You have three minutes to pee in this window. That is the only time.” They were looking at me like, “What is wrong with you?” I wanted everything so perfect for my clients that I was taking this insanely serious. You want things to go good but it’s people and it’s fun and it’s a party. I’ve had to lighten up and dial back the serious. I’m not sure if any of you out there will relate to how weird I was, but it’s so weird. If anyone is reading from my school, I’m sorry. I was not a fun person. I’m more fun now, I swear. My organized nature got me a little kooky back in the day.

Jamie: I wish I could meet high school, Heather. I want a peek into her soul.

Heather: I knew my husband in middle school and we went to different high schools and then re-met after college. If we had known each other in high school, he would never have talked to me. This girl is so crazy. Fortunately, he missed that era.

Jamie: He skipped the blue and gold lipstick phase?

Heather: It was really cute. I pulled that off.

Jamie: I’m actually different. It’s not like I’m not organized or I don’t enjoy organization, but I have always been a very big people pleaser. For those of you that are into the Enneagram, Heather and I have touched on this once or twice before, but I’m into it. Do you know anything about Enneagram?

Heather: I’m an eight, which can be seen as a dictator personality. Hence, my early high school years of being a leader did not go well.

Jamie: Which me as a three, I’m known as the achiever or the performer, which doesn’t match my personality at all. I strive for people to affirm me or see my successes. I’m not in a, “Look at me, I’m so important.” I value verbal affirmation a lot. I do whatever I can. I used to be a lot worse at this where I would try to be every vendor’s best friend all the time like, “How can I help?” I still do this. I just changed my heart behind it because I’m a huge advocate of if you win those vendors over, you’re going to have an amazing day. You’re going to have references and you’re going to have a great time. We still have this mentality, but to the point where I wouldn’t confront a vendor if they were doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. I was like, “You’re a professional. I’m pretty sure when you said you’d be here at 12:00 and you didn’t get here until 6:00 PM. That’s not good when you’re the caterer. If you could hurry, that would be great.”

Heather: I am on the opposite of this.

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Jamie: I can vividly remember this videographer who was monopolizing the situation, so much so that the photographer stepped away and started bawling. She’s like, “I can’t get my shots. I can’t even get in there. He’s all over the place.” I’m like, “I’m so sorry. I’ll go talk to him.” I go talk to him and I’m like, “We need to get things moving. The photographer needs some shots.” He’s like, “Okay, sure. As soon as I’m done with this and then I need to get shot inside, don’t let people inside yet.” I’m like, “Okay. We’re fifteen minutes past the end of cocktail hour.” People are like, “Don’t we get inside?” “I don’t know if we can do that.” He’s like, “I promised them the shot.” This conversation goes on with that awful voice that was coming out of my mouth and him continuously being like, “Nope.”

I’m not standing up being like, “Listen, bucko. We are all beholden to the same exact timeline. I’m going to say this as nicely as possible. You know I have a job to do. I know you have a job to do. I’ve given you an hour and a half to get your job done. Time’s up.” That opposite effect for me, it’s been interesting to watch that growth because in the very beginning is like, “Sure, cool. Yeah, I believe you. You’re professional.” I would sacrifice my position as a planner on an occasion. For the most part, I rarely ran into this, but there were a few occasions where I was like, “Sure, totally.” Which led to why I would say yes to many things for clients or why I would take on too many things because at my core, being a people pleaser, I’m like, “I’ll do whatever you want, just tell me you love me.”

Heather: That makes total sense and not where I was coming from early in my experiences. It was a little bit more on the opposite end where I’m like, “You were two minutes late and I cannot accept this. You’re going to need to leave. I will be the DJ now. That’s fine.” That situation didn’t actually play out well, but I wish it did. The reaction I would have are particularly the high school age version of me. In college, I planned a lot of events for charity stuff and I had to learn to be a normal more balanced version of myself where it’s a lot healthier and a lot nicer. I can have friends now. It’s special. It’s good.

I’ll go with this other immersing story. When I first went on a date with my husband, I told him that I was allergic to fun. Why he went on another date with me, I don’t know. I’m so serious and he was like, “We’re going to have to teach you to have fun then. This is strange that someone would say that.” I was so serious. I’m such a motivated, focused person on what I’m doing and I’m like, “There’s no room for fun.” Now I have fun with friends. It’s a better thing. Have fun as you’re planning these weddings. After all, it’s a party. I had to learn this the hard way. Very few of you probably have this problem, but perhaps the 1 or 2 of you out there who read this, you could have fun.

Jamie: I’m allergic to fun.

Heather: It’s so embarrassing. My husband is the sweetest man in the world but he dealt with that. He saw there was hope for fun for me.

Jamie: There’s a light at the end of the fun tunnel.

Heather: There was, somewhere. It’s weird to look back on that. These things can happen.

Jamie: He could be allergic to fun too, you just don’t know.

Heather: You might know though because you’re a weirdo like me. You’ll know it. You’ll be like, “You might be coming on a little strong here.” Be self-aware. One thing I do know and still a hangover for this issue for me is when I have a party, my friends are constantly at my house or I’m running an event for someone or whatever, I cannot sit still. I need to continually be fixing things and moving and doing stuff. To the point where I had a gratitude party, which was a baby shower of sorts. For 2.5 hours of the three hours, I did not stop refreshing the food, refreshing the drinks, doing all these different things to make everything look perfect. I had friends being like, “Heather, it’s a party for you. You should probably cool your jets and go sit down and talk to people. Also, you’re eight months pregnant. Dial it back a notch.” I’m like, “No. It’s fine. I can do everything. I’ll keep going. I’ll keep pushing through.” Finally, what ended up happening, my feet swelled so much I couldn’t stand anymore. That taught me to listen to your friends. They’re watching out for you. Also, give yourself breaks. It’s important.

 

Jamie: What’s cool is that no matter where you and I have been at or no matter what personality types because they are different. They’re vastly different and we’re still both masterful planners, which is cool. I was talking to my mom about this. I didn’t realize I was going to get this deep. Everyone, prepare yourself. I was talking to my mom earlier about how radical this business has been for me. How many things I have changed about how I operate, how I respond to people, how I allow their opinions of me to affect who I am, who I view myself to be. Having a wedding planning business is one of the best things that’s ever happened in my life because I’ve put up boundaries. I’ve learned when to say no. I’ve learned to read contracts and stick to them in all facets of life, whether I’m reviewing it for couples or for myself. Jess has taught me so much about who I am and it sounds wedding planning has taught you so much about who you are.

That could be said for many entrepreneurs. You’re like, “I am not good with admin. I’m terrible about getting back to emails.” You start to recognize that and then you start to make moves towards growth and towards change. It’s cool that both of us came from completely different spaces and still had some that crossed over and were completely similar like, “Yes, we said too much. We did too much. We took on too much.” Some that were completely different. You felt you assumed priorities because you had a tight cast of what you were used to doing. I came in like, “People like burnt coffees.”

Heather: There are very different people out there than me. That’s very smart, Jamie. You were tapped in there.

Jamie: I wouldn’t call it smart. I would call it an obsessive need to get people to like me. I’d be like, “Burnt coffee’s cool. I like it. Great.” In my mind I’m like, “It tastes like dirt. What’s wrong?”

Heather: Everybody can have their different opinions, different styles they like, and that’s okay. Because you don’t love the style someone’s picking for their wedding doesn’t mean you can’t do an amazing job planning it and helping them bring the day together.

Jamie: If you are reading this and you’re like, “What is the takeaway? These girls are all over the place.” We steamrolled you into story time. Just know yourself. Know who you are, know what your skillsets are, know what they’re not. I feel the Enneagram is a powerful way of doing that.

Heather: There’s a lot out there for you to be aware of the challenges that are uniquely yours, but also the attributes that make you amazing at what you’re doing because there’s going to be that in the mix too. It’s all there. We’re all screwing things up and learning from it and growing. That’s part of having your own business, so don’t sweat it. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be on this path.

Jamie: Amen to that.

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